I’ve been bit by the HDTV bug. Ever since I got a Wii, I’ve just been struck with the desire to get a fucking awesome TV. Lately I’ve been compulsively going to this bargain website to see if the HDTV I’m in the market for has been listed at a great price. Last Sunday, they mentioned a very affordable deal at Circuit City, so I called my local CC to confirm.

Hi, do you have the Samsung 3242 in stock?

Yes, yes we do. The total would come to $823.

Oh, really? Because this website I go to has a posting saying it’s $720 with in-store pick-up.

No, the cheapest I’m seeing it for is $823. Hmm... Could you tell me the name of the website you saw it at?

“Um, I’d rather not do that.”

(Okay, I didn’t actually say that, but I thought it. Here’s why.)

“Cheapstingybargains.com.”

“Excuse me, cheap—?“

“CHEAP STINGY BARGAINS DOT COM.”

“OK, Thank you, sir. No, I’m sorry, $823 is the lowest we have it listed for.”

“Thank you. Goodbye.”

So, that was really embarrassing. Next time, I just spell it out.

***

In other news, I am starting to make more comedy videos. If you have a Youtube account, you can subscribe to my Youtube channel to get notified when new videos are up. There are four so far, but many more to come. Tell your friends and thanks for your support!

Labels: bloggy, retail

Anonymous coworker #1 asked anonymous co-worker #2 what is on his bucket list.

In other news, I think I might be dead. More on this later.

Labels: blips, bloggy

I belong to a gym 4 blocks away from my job. On the days when I'm feeling brazen enough, I rush over during my lunch hour to try to squeeze in a workout.If I'm lucky, I can get a half an hour of aerobic exercise and maybe squeeze in some weights exercises.

Yesterday I was feeling just so brazen. I finished eating my sandwich at my desk, gathered my things, put on my hat scarf and coat, rushed down the three stairwells, left the building walked/jogged the four blocks, entered the gym, dug around for my membership card, found it, handed it to the clerk, put my coat scarf and hat on the coat rack, went upstairs to the locker room, changed, and headed for the elliptical machine.

That's when the worst of all possible things happened.

"Excuse me!" I heard a voice say as I began to exit the locker room.

I turned around slowly. And there it was. A bald man, in his sixties, talking to me...completely naked.

"Would you mind handing me a bath towel?"

I was stymied. The naked bald man was so cheery, so apparently carefree in his clotheslessness, that I began to wonder if he even realized that he himself was naked. He had the demeanor not of a naked person, but of a man enjoying a spring afternoon in the park, perhaps wearing a cream-colored suit, cane and top hat.

My first thought, or well my second thought after "Jesus Christ," was that all the towels in the gym were located outside the locker room, on a counter two doors down. Surely this old naked man did not expect me to exit the locker room, walk 2 doors down, grab a towel which he himself should have remembered to take in his pre-naked state, walk back and hand it to him. No no, that would be certifiably insane. Maybe what he meant was, "Would you mind handing me THAT bath towel?" Like, the one that wouldn't require me going out of my way for a strange naked man who was ever so courteously showcasing his graying pubes. I looked around at the two benches on either side of me.

"Oh, no," he said. "The bath towels are located outside the locker room, 2 doors down."

"Oh," I said, as if this were my first time ever at this gym.

And then, something amazing happened. Instead of doing the thing I should have done, which was to put my hands on my hips and say, "Um, why don't you cover up your old wrinkly dick and ass with some pants AND GO AND GET A BATH TOWEL YOURSELF?! EH? EH, GRANDPA JOE?! YOU KNOW WHAT PANTS ARE, DON'T YA?! THEY HAD THOSE BACK IN YOUR DAY, DIDN'T THEY? YOUR DAY, YOU KNOW: THE 1870's?!?! OLDIE!!!" and then storm out heading to the cardio room to enjoy the best indignation-fueled 25-minute elliptical workout of my life-- Yes, instead of doing that, I exited the locker room, and hating myself every step of the way, walked 2 doors down to the towel counter and fetched a towel for Grandpa Saggyballs.

"Thank you very much!" he said as I handed him the bath towel while struggling to avert my eyes in virtually every direction. In the background, I could here a studio audience applaud Dr. Phil as he instructed a 24-year-old husband that it is wrong to hit a woman no matter what the circumstances.

Later, as I rushed back to work 10 minutes late, I wondered what Dr. Phil would have to say about elderly men in gyms across America who inflict their nakedness on others. Probably nothing, I thought. Dr. Phil probably does it too.

Labels: bloggy

Co-worker.


Slurps.


His.


Tea.


And.


It.


Drives.


Me.


Up.


The.


Mother.


Effing.


Wall.


Sorry.


No.


Jokes.


In.


This.


Post.


Just.


Yeah.

Labels: bloggy

One of my coworkers is a middle-aged Indian man named Krupal. Today, after coming back from lunch, he stopped by my desk.

"Here, you'll like this," he said, reaching into his pocket.

I wasn't sure what he was going to give me. Perhaps a funny pet photo, or an inspiring or insightful essay from author V.S. Naipal.

What he pulled out was a coupon:

"FREE!
6 Cookies
With Purchase of $20 or More at McDonald's."

You go through this life knowing very little about how others truly perceive you. But every so often, you get a little hint. Today, for example, I found out that one of my co-workers thinks I can eat $20 worth of greasy fast food and still be hungry for cookies.

Or maybe he thinks that I have 2 or 3 friends that care as little about their health as I apparently do, and that after work, I will call them and tell them the great news.

"DUDES, YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I JUST GOT FROM MY COWORKER."

"Whascht icschit?" (They can't talk without slurring because they're so fat)

"A COUPON FOR 6 FREE COOKIES AT MICKEY D'S!"

"Yeeeeschscschsch!!!" (unending streams of drool)

They then immediately oil up their stomachs so as to slide out of their apartments and come meet me for a merry fat feast.

Upon further examination I see that the coupon is for delivery only (apparently McDonald's delivers now). So not only am I fat, but I guess I am also too lazy to get up and get my own food.

Oh well, I guess it's not as bad as that coupon for plastic surgery that my boss gave me last month.

Labels: bloggy