Boring, Self-Absorbed Ancient Cave Paintings Thought to Be Precursor to Twitter
Senate Split On Best Way to Unclog Toilet
Bizarro U.S. Lends Bizarro China Yet Another $5 Billion
$100 Million Documentary Reveals War is Indeed Hell
Ben Stiller Wins Oscar in Newly Created “Punctuality” Category
Plastic Surgery Addict Still Plagued By Horrible Personality
Daniel Day Lewis Running For President to Prepare for Upcoming Film Role
Folger’s Unveils Controversial “Drink Folger’s Or Get Raped” Advertising Campaign
YouTube and U.S. Government Challenge Users to Make Video of Themselves Killing Osama Bin Laden
Study Finds Germs Lurk In All Of Us
Town Elects First Probably Gay Mayor
U.S. Government Unveils Plan to Keep Healthcare Costs Down By Shunning Fat People
Americans Light Fireworks Because of Some Shit That Happened 200 Years Ago
Celebrities Hold Fundraiser Gala For Endangered Celebrities
Congress Unveils Revolutionary “Time Heals All Wounds” Approach To Health Care
New “Jogging” Wii Game Captures Fun of Jogging
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