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Some Rejected Onion Headlines

January 4, 2010 · Leave a Comment

Boring, Self-Absorbed Ancient Cave Paintings Thought to Be Precursor to Twitter

Senate Split On Best Way to Unclog Toilet

Bizarro U.S. Lends Bizarro China Yet Another $5 Billion

$100 Million Documentary Reveals War is Indeed Hell

Ben Stiller Wins Oscar in Newly Created “Punctuality” Category

Plastic Surgery Addict Still Plagued By Horrible Personality

Daniel Day Lewis Running For President to Prepare for Upcoming Film Role

Folger’s Unveils Controversial “Drink Folger’s Or Get Raped” Advertising Campaign

YouTube and U.S. Government Challenge Users to Make Video of Themselves Killing Osama Bin Laden

Study Finds Germs Lurk In All Of Us

Town Elects First Probably Gay Mayor

U.S. Government Unveils Plan to Keep Healthcare Costs Down By Shunning Fat People

Americans Light Fireworks Because of Some Shit That Happened 200 Years Ago

Celebrities Hold Fundraiser Gala For Endangered Celebrities

Congress Unveils Revolutionary “Time Heals All Wounds” Approach To Health Care

New “Jogging” Wii Game Captures Fun of Jogging

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