Here is a sketch I wrote last year.  It was for the Mother's Day episode of a now-defunct live sketch show called "8 Track."  Enjoy!
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The Yo Momma Sketch

by Matt Koff

Host CAROLYN CASTIGLIA is onstage.

CAROLYN

All right, now we're going to do something a little different. In celebration of both Mother's Day and the upcoming season premiere of the hit show "Yo Momma", 8 Track is going to hold a good old fashioned Yo Momma Joke Battle. Our first contestant has appeared on Snaps, Whitebread Snaps, Chinese Snaps, The Commonwealth of Independent Snaps, and Gingerbread Snaps: An MTV Holiday Ex-snaps-aganza. Please welcome, the 8 Track's own Robbie Sublett!  

ROBBIE

(nonchalant)

Whatup.

CAROLYN

Robbie has agreed to challenge one brave audience member to a Joke Battle to the Death, the winner of which will win dinner for two at the Olive Garden in Times Square. Any takers?

LOU

I'll do it!

CAROLYN

All right, there we go! What's your name, Sir?

LOU

My name's Lou.

CAROLYN

And you're familiar with how this kind of thing works?

LOU

Yeah, definitely.

CAROLYN

Okay. Then let the snappiiiing begin!

ROBBIE

Yo momma's so fat, when she goes on an airplane, she's gotta get 2 tickets.

ENTOURAGE

Ohhh!

LOU

Your momma's so—

Lou pauses, covers his face to hide the fact that he's crying.

CAROLYN

Lou, is, uh, is everything okay?

LOU

It's just— that's not an exaggeration. My mother does actually take up 2 seats when she's on an airplane.

ROBBIE

Oh… Dude, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

LOU

That's all right, how could you have? When we boarded a plane last Christmas, we realized that her 2 seats weren't next to each other. She ended up having to sit in the aisle for the entire flight. But, it’s cool. You didn’t know.

CAROLYN

Lou, look, um, do you want to sit down?

LOU

(suddenly sober)

No, I want to keep playing.

ROBBIE

I don't know, I feel sort of weird doing this now.

LOU

No no, it's fine. They're just jokes. Hey, your mom's like the neighborhood bicycle. Everybody gets a ride.

ENTOURAGE

Ohhhhh!

ROBBIE

Well yo momma's so fat, when she goes bungee jumping, she brings the bridge with her.

Lou breaks down in tears again.

LOU

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just, last summer, I decided to take Momma (gets choked up, tries to get the words out) bungee jumping for her birthday. Bob the Bungeemaster assured me the Footbridge was strong enough to support someone of Momma’s... stature. But oh how wrong Bob was. I just thank God she skipped breakfast that morning, or else she may not have been able to eat her way out of the wreckage. 

Lou bawls. Carolyn comforts him.

CAROLYN

Jesus, Lou. She survived though, right?

LOU

The doctors said it was a miracle. Apparently she broke both her legs... and gravy came out.

Lou cries. Carolyn consoles Lou by putting his head on her shoulder.

CAROLYN

(to Robbie)

What the hell is the matter you?

ROBBIE

Me?! How was I supposed to know his mother was the size of aircraft carrier?

LOU

(bawling)

Aircraft Carrier, that’s her nickname at PTA meetings.

ROBBIE

Look, this stupid contest was your idea.

CAROLYN

Well, forget it. The contest is called off!

LOU

(sober)

No, no, wait, guys, come on, it's cool. Check this one out. Hey Robbie, what do you call it when 5 cavemen jerk off into a cup and your momma drinks it?

ROBBIE

What?

LOU

Wednesday. Your mom's a prehistoric SLUT! BOOYA!

ENTOURAGE

Ohhh.

Lou high-fives some of the people in the entourage.

ROBBIE

All right, fuck this. Your momma's so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck.

LOU

(breaks down)

It’s true!

ROBBIE

Oh come on. Your mother did not get stuck in the air, that’s impossible.

LOU

Hey you weren’t there! Every night before I go to sleep, I still see those swollen legs swinging in the air as if God himself were dangling 2 giant breakfast sausages above the human race. It took 8 long hours to get her down. The Fire Department had to use the jaws of life. And if that weren’t bad enough, when she came down, she… landed on a rainbow and Skittles popped out. Oh god, it was awful! (Weeps.)

ROBBIE

Wait, what’s so bad about that last part?

LOU

Because then she ate the Skittles, Rob! Her bloodsugar's way too high as it is!

ROBBIE

Okay, I’m sorry. Geez.

CAROLYN

Here, Lou. Take the gift certificate.

LOU

Yes! Hey, Mom! We won! We won!

LOU'S MOM (BEASTLY V.O.)

Good job, Son! Now let's get over there before Mamma Mia lets out.

 CAROLYN

(looking around) Oh, your mom’s in the audience?

LOU

Oh, sort of. See, my momma's so fat, we're inside her right now. (Exit Lou.)

Lou's mother's diabolical laughter reverberates through out the auditorium, and then fades out.

ROBBIE 

Damn.

THE END.

Labels: sketch

This entry was posted by Matt, on Tuesday, August 19, 2008. You can leave your response.