Geez

I saw this obituary in the Queens Tribune last night, and I thought I'd post it. Life is so fragile...

Vincent Stanton, 56, died of a stroke last night after attempting to sing the
"Banana-Fana-Fo-Fana" song using the name "Bob Balaban." According to
officials, Stanton was on break at his job as a security guard at Macy's,
playing the popular musical name game with fellow off-duty guards, when things
started heating up. A colleague challenged him to use the name of Bob
Balaban, the actor best known for his roles in "Seinfeld" and "Best in Show," in
the song. Stanton was rushed to Mt. Sinai Hospital, where he died shortly
after.

Stanton's last words were: "Bob Balabanana-fo-fana, Mob Malamanana-fo-fana,
fee-fi-fo-fuck, I'm having a stroke."

My.

Co-worker.


Slurps.


His.


Tea.


And.


It.


Drives.


Me.


Up.


The.


Mother.


Effing.


Wall.


Sorry.


No.


Jokes.


In.


This.


Post.


Just.


Yeah.

A word of advice

If you want an adrenaline boost in the morning, go for a jog, play Mario Kart DS, Lightening Cup, Nitro Grand Prix, while standing on a Q train running express, while drinking a Starbucks grande Double Caramel Macciato, while listening to Avril Lavigne on your iPod, skateboarding, and smoking crack.

HO...LY...CRAP is it going to be a productive morning.

Captains in Space, Episode 6 is here!

Take a look!



Captains in Space: Beauty

Episode Written by: Matt Koff
Additional Material by: The Captains in Space writing staff

Director/ Cinematography/ Audio: Brad Bergbom
Producer/ Assistant Director/ Editor/ Special Effects: Fed Hatoum
3D Modeling: Winston Johnson
Head Writer: Dan McCoy
Writing Staff: Matt Koff, Fed Hatoum, Andrew Dickerson
Writing Consultants: Erik Marcisak, Adam Walden

Cast:
Captain Fed - Fed Hatoum
Captain Adam - Adam Walden
Frankie - Vedette Lim
Robo-Dan - Dan McCoy
Cosmonaut One - Brock Mahan
Cosmonaut Two - Elliott Kalan
??? - Matt Koff

Hey, wait a minute...

Isn't this already a scene in "Mississippi Burning"?

http://www.azcentral.com/ent/movies/pics/0807daddydaycamp.jpg

What a ripoff!

I watched "Norbit" last night

When I hear the laughter of children, it sounds like shrieking.





When I see an early morning drop of dew, it looks like a pustule.




And when I look at the sunset, all I see is the large brown latex ass of a grotesquely unfunny female character known to a handful of still-devastated moviegoers as Rasputia.





I watched "Norbit" last night. I can't remember how and I can barely remember why. But one thing I do know: I've just made a really big mistake.

--an excerpt from my new self-help memoir, Struggling With Post-Norbit Depression