I was on the subway today, and everything looked so dull and gray. Umm, where are the neon colors of Back to the Future II so bright you can barely keep your retinas from disintegrating?

I was drinking coffee out of a STYROFOAM CUP (lame, I thought all future drinkware would be either latex or super-shiny metal) and as usual, I spilled coffee on my sweatshirt. I looked around for the button that automatically cleansand dries, and guess what: IT WASN'T THERE. IT DIDN'T EXIST. THE SELF-CLEANING-AND-DRYING SWEATSHIRT HASN'T BEEN INVENTED YET.

Then, as I do on every morning subway ride, I took my shoes and socks off. Imagine my amazement when I said "Shoes ON! Socks ON!" and nothing happened. Why? Take a guess: THE SHOESANDSOCKSPUTBACKONITIZER HASN'T BEEN INVENTED YET. NICE. GREAT. GOOD. THANKS FOR TELLING ME, FUTURE.

To cheer myself up, I went to Kaybee Toys and bought myself a hoverboard. As I was riding it down the street, I realized it wasn't hovering at all. It was ROLLING. Then I realized it wasn't a hoverboard at all; it was a ROLLBOARD. There were WHEELS under it. I tried to return it but they wouldn't let me because I "shouldn't have torn up the receipt." My "bad." I guess I was "wrong" to "assume" that every "board" being "sold" in the year "2007" "hovered" instead of "rolled."

"Oops." "Sorry."*


*Not sorry.

This entry was posted by Matt, on Wednesday, November 28, 2007. You can leave your response.