GENERAL FOODS INTERNATIONAL COFFEE COMMERCIAL
Hey everyone, here's an alternate version of a sketch that will (maybe) be appearing in the June 4th show of "8 Track"! Enjoy!
--
INTRO: Lights up on two middle aged women, JESS and CINDY. They sit at a kitchen table drinking coffee. Music cue: Brief, wholesome-sounding 1980's-type piano intro.
CINDY
Jess, you know what this coffee reminds me of?
JESS
Hmm?
CINDY
Our trip to Paris.
JESS
Mmm, Springtime, 1988.
CINDY
The Eiffel Tower.
JESS
The Louvre.
CINDY
The smell of freshly baked bread.
JESS
That cafe. They look at each other.
CINDY
That waiter.
Both giggle.
BOTH
What was his name again?... Jean-Luc.
Both smile to themselves and drink their coffee.
Lights fade.
V.O.General Foods International, Cafe Vanilla. Let it bring you back.
Black out.
LIGHTS UP. SAME INTRO.
CINDY
Jess, you know what this coffee reminds me of?
JESS
Hmm?
CINDY
Our first Star Trek Convention.
JESS
Mmm, Springtime, 1986.
CINDY
The Cyborgs.
JESS
The Farengi.
CINDY
The smell of desperate virginity mixed with Klingon B.O.
JESS
That Holodeck.They look at each other.
CINDY
That Starfleet Officer.
Both giggle.
BOTH
What was his name again?... Jean-Luc.
Both smile to themselves and drink their coffee. Lights fade.
V.O.
General Foods International, Cafe Romulan. Let it bring you back.
Blackout.
LIGHTS UP. SAME INTRO.
CINDY
You know what this coffee reminds me of?
JESS
Hmm?
CINDY
That time I was molested by my father.
Awkward pause. Lights fade.
V.O.
General Foods International Cafe Molest: Let it bring you back.
(Read quickly:) If you or anyone in your coffee commercial is the victim of sexual abuse, General Foods Internation urges you to call 1-800-CAFE-RELIEF.
Blackout.
LIGHTS UP. SAME INTRO.
CINDY
You know what this coffee reminds me of?
JESS
Hmm?
CINDY
5 seconds from now.
BOTH
Mmm, 5 seconds from now.
(Pause.)
BOTH (Cont’d)
Hey, wait a minute. You’re saying everything I'm saying.
(Pause.)
BOTH (Cont’d)
Stop that! Hey, cut it out! I SAID STOP IT YOU FUCKING BITCH!
(They scream at each other.)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Jess and Cindy wrestle each other to ground. They break their respective coffee cups over each other’s heads. They continue to wrestle.
CINDY
Kiss me, you slut!
Jess and Cindy suddenly start making out with each other.
V.O.
General Foods International, Cafe Psychic Lesbian. Let it bring you out.
BLACKOUT.
--
INTRO: Lights up on two middle aged women, JESS and CINDY. They sit at a kitchen table drinking coffee. Music cue: Brief, wholesome-sounding 1980's-type piano intro.
CINDY
Jess, you know what this coffee reminds me of?
JESS
Hmm?
CINDY
Our trip to Paris.
JESS
Mmm, Springtime, 1988.
CINDY
The Eiffel Tower.
JESS
The Louvre.
CINDY
The smell of freshly baked bread.
JESS
That cafe. They look at each other.
CINDY
That waiter.
Both giggle.
BOTH
What was his name again?... Jean-Luc.
Both smile to themselves and drink their coffee.
Lights fade.
V.O.General Foods International, Cafe Vanilla. Let it bring you back.
Black out.
LIGHTS UP. SAME INTRO.
CINDY
Jess, you know what this coffee reminds me of?
JESS
Hmm?
CINDY
Our first Star Trek Convention.
JESS
Mmm, Springtime, 1986.
CINDY
The Cyborgs.
JESS
The Farengi.
CINDY
The smell of desperate virginity mixed with Klingon B.O.
JESS
That Holodeck.They look at each other.
CINDY
That Starfleet Officer.
Both giggle.
BOTH
What was his name again?... Jean-Luc.
Both smile to themselves and drink their coffee. Lights fade.
V.O.
General Foods International, Cafe Romulan. Let it bring you back.
Blackout.
LIGHTS UP. SAME INTRO.
CINDY
You know what this coffee reminds me of?
JESS
Hmm?
CINDY
That time I was molested by my father.
Awkward pause. Lights fade.
V.O.
General Foods International Cafe Molest: Let it bring you back.
(Read quickly:) If you or anyone in your coffee commercial is the victim of sexual abuse, General Foods Internation urges you to call 1-800-CAFE-RELIEF.
Blackout.
LIGHTS UP. SAME INTRO.
CINDY
You know what this coffee reminds me of?
JESS
Hmm?
CINDY
5 seconds from now.
BOTH
Mmm, 5 seconds from now.
(Pause.)
BOTH (Cont’d)
Hey, wait a minute. You’re saying everything I'm saying.
(Pause.)
BOTH (Cont’d)
Stop that! Hey, cut it out! I SAID STOP IT YOU FUCKING BITCH!
(They scream at each other.)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Jess and Cindy wrestle each other to ground. They break their respective coffee cups over each other’s heads. They continue to wrestle.
CINDY
Kiss me, you slut!
Jess and Cindy suddenly start making out with each other.
V.O.
General Foods International, Cafe Psychic Lesbian. Let it bring you out.
BLACKOUT.
This entry was posted by Matt, on
Thursday, May 31, 2007.
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