How is Weird Al going to die?

Weird Alone.

What do you call it when Weird Al puts on blackface and stars in talkies?

Weird Al Jolson

What do you call it when Weird Al ruins the election?

Weird R-"Al"-ph Nader.

What was Weird Al's Great Great Great Grandfather?

A Weird Albolitionist.

What does Weird Al do when he's sick?

Weird Ail.

What is Weird Al's favorite Christmas song?

Weird Al be home for Christmas.

Who is Weird Al's favorite Baldwin brother?

Billy.

Who does Weird Al wish he'd gotten to work with?

Weird Robert Altman.

How does Weird Al maintain his youthful, vibrant skin?

Weird Aloe.

What does Weird Al need to do to his tires?

Weird Allign them.

What concentration camp was Weird Al not killed at?

Weird Al-schwitz.

What is Weird Al's favorite New York hotel?

Weird Algonquin.

What Native American tribe is Weird Al a member of?

Weird Algonquin.

What is Weird Al's favorite Bette Davis film?

Weird All About Eve.

If Weird Al were this site's webmaster, what would he say?

Weird Al admit it, this whole "Weird Al pun" thing is getting old.

What do you call it when Weird Al goes bald?

Weird Alopecia.


(Thanks to Levi Fishman)

Be sure to check out my new book:

"If I Ever DID Jerk Off, Here's How I Would Have Done it"

What is Weird Al's favorite classic TV quote?

"To the moon, [Weird] Alice!"

Who is Weird Al's favorite "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" cast member?

Weird Alfonso Ribeiro.

What do you call it when Weird Al is nominated to be the 64th U.S. Secretary of State?

Weird Madeleine Albright.

Who is Weird Al's preferred spokesman for the black community?

Weird Al Sharpton.

What do you call it when Weird Al acts upon reasons you had not originally presumed, but rather ones kept secret from the public at large?

Weird Alterior Motive.

These are the people in your neighborhood!

Thanks to Becky Griffin for her in-depth image Googling.

Who is Weird Al's favorite Jewish-American filmmaker?

Weirdy Allen.

What does Weird Al gain on an airplane?

Weird Altitude.

What is Weird Al's favorite type of single-celled organism?

Weird Algae.

BUSHES AGAINST BUSH RETURN TO DAH UNDERGROUND UNDERGROUND, BY PETEY SKUMFACE

'ello, Petey Skumface 'ere wiff a review of last week's Bushes Against Bush concert. The show wuz at da Underground Underground in dah undaground basement lounge. Let me tell U it wuz feckin' amazin' it wwas. dah boyz whur in top form. Also, I got reelly totaly nacked n so I can bbearly remember any of it but I'll try mmy best. "Petey, just how nackered were U?" U ask? less juss say iss 5 days l8-er and I'm still pissin' blood and alcohol HEH HEH HEH. But ennuff about me rite?

Herez some highlights frum da show:

--dah opener, a band called dah shit-knobs, was un-beefuckin'leevable. Dey did dis coverr of da facts of life theme song. it wasso rad cuz it was an ironic reference to an 80s teeve show rite? AND it was fast as 'ell 2 rite? killah!

--The Bushies opened wiff a whoppin rendition of "Oi Oi on Your Mom'. Den, during dah second song (My Bush Stinks), leadsinger Johnnie Shithead accidently swallowed dah entire mikrophone. No worries, tho: l8er in da show he puked it out onto some chap's 'ead during da therd vurse of "Fuck Da Bombs (kaboom). "

--Midway in2 "War is a Whore" I got into a fight wiff a bloke twice me size. I dunno wye, but I musta did sumfing prity orrible 2 anger him, kuz he pinned me 2 da ground 4 a good 15 minutes and priceeded 2 bash my face in wit a foldin' chair. Luckily, I managed to brake off a peece a some chicks mohawk and stab da bloke in da heart before ee did any serious damage.

--all night dah energy in da room was absolutely thrillin. da moshpits at da show were unbefuckin'leevable. 15 people were perilyzed, 6 left 4 dead, and 2 blokes moshed against each other so hard that by da end of dah night they had become dah same bloke!

--I shatted out an organ. not sure which one but it felt iportant. oi!

--Da Bushes finished dah set wif a killer cover of Jimmy-Go-Bye-Bye's classic "U Make me Want to Puke My Teeth Out". Dissong was especially meaningfull 2 me at dah time because I wuz puking my teeth out. By dah end of dah nite, da place was filled wif so much puke a bloke couldn't tell if he was onstage wiff da band or outside avin' a fag. Inuva words, a very sucesfull showe. Good job, Bushies!!!1

Oh great, The Daily News stole my future epitaph idea!

Originally uploaded by SunshineDonut.

What's Weird Al's preferred way to express consent?

Weird "All right."

What is Weird Al's favorite type of math problem?

Weird Algorithms.

What do you call it when Weird Al visits a territory which was disputed over by France & Germany in World War II but is currently claimed by France?

Weird Alsace-Lorraine

What does Weird Al feed his dog?

Weird Alpo.

What does Weird Al pay his ex-wives?

Weird Alimony.

Today's Weird Al Joke: What is Weird Al's living room made out of?

Weird Alabaster.

Happy November!

Dear 2 readers,

To celebrate the glorious month of November, I, Matt Koff, will be providing you with a Weird Al joke for every day of the month. That's 30 Weird Al jokes.

"30 Weird Al jokes?" you ask, "What's so funny about Weird Al?"

Exactly.

Stay tuned.

Matt

P.S. Special thanks to Brian Rubin for coming up with a lot of these.

P.P.S. Also check out my word a day page which is currently back up and running. Thanks!