A sketch I did last Halloween.
If ever the 2 readers of my blog had a "favorite post," this is it.
Happy Halloween!
--
Here's a sketch I did for the Saturday Night Rewritten show. It was a character/slideshow piece during the "Weekend Update Update" segment, based on nothing in the previous night's SNL.
Dan McCoy: Ladies and gentleman, here to catch up is an old friend of "everybody's":-- Waldo of "Where's Waldo" fame.
(Enter Waldo)
Waldo: Hey dudes, what's goin' on? Yeah, all right! As some of you may have noticed, I've been out of the public eye for a while, but I want to thank all of my devoted fans for all their concern. Here's one letter I got last week that I found really touching:
"DEAR WALDO,
WHERE ARE YOU? AND I DON'T MEAN, LIKE, I'M HAVING TROUBLE FINDING YOU IN THE BOOKS. I MEAN LIKE, WHERE ARE YOU?
YOUR FAN,
STOCKARD CHANNING"
Well Stockard, rest assured, the W-man is doing a-okay, though it has been a crazy couple of years. He's the rundown on what I've been up to the last few years.
It's 1995. I'm sorta burned out on the whole peekaboo-I-see-you thing so I get a gig touring as a roadie for the White Stripes.
Funny story how that happened: I was at a party in L.A. with Jack and Meg. I go up to them and I'm like Are you guys the White Stripes? And I'm like YEAH and I'm like guys I WEAR white stripes. I should be your roadie, and they're like whatever. So I did that for like a year and that was awesome but I had to take a time-out cuz I was gettin' a little too fond of the "morphine" if ya know what I mean:
So I checked myself into a rehab clinic.
It was so funny, on the first day I'm up there and I'm like My name is Waldo and I have a morphine problem and everyone is like "There you are! There you are!" (to Dan) cuz they were referencing the books, the Where's Waldo books.
Dan: Right.
Waldo: Anyhow, that's where I started studying Buddhism. After that I packed my shit up and headed out to Tibet and lived at a monastery for a couple years with those monk dudes.
That was pretty rad, y'know? I was climbin' to the top of this mountain, and the first thing I hear when I get up there is "Sing toa TOW. Sing toa TOW." And then--
Dan: Wait, what does that mean?
Waldo: Oh, I'm pretty sure it means "There you are! There you are!" in Tibetan. So after a couple of relapses...
...I finally found enlightenment.
That pretty much brings us up to present day. Things are going pretty well on the Waldometer-- I've finally found peace with myself, I'm working on a cookbook--Where's Waldo's Spatula?--and Miramax is producing my biopic which is in theatres this week, go see it!
Dan: What's it called?
Waldo: Oh it's called "Capote."
Dan: Um, I saw Capote. You weren't in it.
Waldo: Oh yeah? How close did you watch?
Dan: Where's Waldo, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Dan McCoy.
Rob: And I'm Rob Bates, goodnight.
(End)
Happy Halloween!
--
Here's a sketch I did for the Saturday Night Rewritten show. It was a character/slideshow piece during the "Weekend Update Update" segment, based on nothing in the previous night's SNL.
Dan McCoy: Ladies and gentleman, here to catch up is an old friend of "everybody's":-- Waldo of "Where's Waldo" fame.
(Enter Waldo)
Waldo: Hey dudes, what's goin' on? Yeah, all right! As some of you may have noticed, I've been out of the public eye for a while, but I want to thank all of my devoted fans for all their concern. Here's one letter I got last week that I found really touching:
"DEAR WALDO,
WHERE ARE YOU? AND I DON'T MEAN, LIKE, I'M HAVING TROUBLE FINDING YOU IN THE BOOKS. I MEAN LIKE, WHERE ARE YOU?
YOUR FAN,
STOCKARD CHANNING"
Well Stockard, rest assured, the W-man is doing a-okay, though it has been a crazy couple of years. He's the rundown on what I've been up to the last few years.
It's 1995. I'm sorta burned out on the whole peekaboo-I-see-you thing so I get a gig touring as a roadie for the White Stripes.
Funny story how that happened: I was at a party in L.A. with Jack and Meg. I go up to them and I'm like Are you guys the White Stripes? And I'm like YEAH and I'm like guys I WEAR white stripes. I should be your roadie, and they're like whatever. So I did that for like a year and that was awesome but I had to take a time-out cuz I was gettin' a little too fond of the "morphine" if ya know what I mean:
So I checked myself into a rehab clinic.
It was so funny, on the first day I'm up there and I'm like My name is Waldo and I have a morphine problem and everyone is like "There you are! There you are!" (to Dan) cuz they were referencing the books, the Where's Waldo books.
Dan: Right.
Waldo: Anyhow, that's where I started studying Buddhism. After that I packed my shit up and headed out to Tibet and lived at a monastery for a couple years with those monk dudes.
That was pretty rad, y'know? I was climbin' to the top of this mountain, and the first thing I hear when I get up there is "Sing toa TOW. Sing toa TOW." And then--
Dan: Wait, what does that mean?
Waldo: Oh, I'm pretty sure it means "There you are! There you are!" in Tibetan. So after a couple of relapses...
...I finally found enlightenment.
That pretty much brings us up to present day. Things are going pretty well on the Waldometer-- I've finally found peace with myself, I'm working on a cookbook--Where's Waldo's Spatula?--and Miramax is producing my biopic which is in theatres this week, go see it!
Dan: What's it called?
Waldo: Oh it's called "Capote."
Dan: Um, I saw Capote. You weren't in it.
Waldo: Oh yeah? How close did you watch?
Dan: Where's Waldo, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Dan McCoy.
Rob: And I'm Rob Bates, goodnight.
(End)
Labels: sketch
This entry was posted by Matt, on
Thursday, October 19, 2006.
You can leave your response.
November 04, 2005 2:26 AM
fucking hilarious
-jordan
November 09, 2005 1:46 PM
It actually made me laugh!
Aurelie
October 23, 2006 11:32 AM
That "I'm Rob Bates, goodnight," thing really makes it. I think they call that "the capper."