You heard me!

You had your day in the sun and you should have died already by either a) drowning in a mix of your own piss and vomit following a month-long cocaine-and-Barcardi-Limon binge brought on by realization that you will never again write another “Hook” b) a triple bypass, or c) choking on your harmonica in the middle of the night after mistaking it for the last 2 pieces of a Kit-kat bar.

I know what you’re thinking, John Popper. You’re thinkin’ “Hey dude! The Traveler is still around and rockin’! That in itself is a form of success, isn't it?” No, it isn’t. You need to kill yourself now.

You may also be thinking "But what about my 8 fans!" Don't worry. They'll be okay. Also, they're not technically "fans" if they're related to you.

Look, you bought some extra time with the stomach surgery and what did it do? Nothing. Now you're just that guy with the harmonica who had stomach surgery who's still kinda fat anyway.

So kill yourself, John Popper! It's not too late! Sure, you'll never be Kurt Cobain, or even Michael Hutchins, but if you act now you may still have a shot at being the poor man’s Mama Cass.

This entry was posted by Matt, on Friday, August 11, 2006. You can leave your response.