Dearest Snickers,

I have been watching my belly button for days, and still I have yet to see any lint materialize. I fear the experiment may have been a failure.

Farewell,

Jacqueaux


***

Snickers,

Woke up and reminisced about all the good times we had as youths picking splinters from each others' heads outside Saint Barnabas. Whatever happened to those splinters?

I found something in my bellybutton today resembling lint, but it is harder, crustier, stinkier than the lint I am accustomed to. I suspect that it is nothing more than a speck of filth, since I have not showered in days, as I have been too busy observing my bellybutton.

It has been 90 days since we've seen each other. Please send me a strudel so that I know you are well.


Best,


Jacqueaux


P.S. Even if you are not well, please still feel free to send me food. Carrot shavings, anything would be great, really.

***

Beloved Snickers,

Today Mr. Gasteaux, my landlord, struck me down and called me a fool, saying a man cannot expect lint to form in his navel if he remains perpetually naked. I am determined to prove him wrong.

By the way, I have cholera and will be dying in 3 days.


Jacqueaux



***

Snickers,


Excellent news! I no longer have cholera! According to Doctor Cousteaux, my cholera caught typhoid, which in turn caught ringworm. The only downside to this is that now I have typhoid and ringworm.

I will be dead this afternoon.

Farewell,


Jacqueaux

This entry was posted by Matt, on Friday, April 21, 2006. You can leave your response.