Dear Matt,

Where and when was the first vomit burp?

Johnny Jo,
Kentucky, MO
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Johnny,

Obviously I can’t tell you where and when the first vomit burp was. Only God can do that, and good luck getting an answer from that asshole!

However, my research indicates that the first DOCUMENTED vomit burp happened in 499 BC during the Persian Wars, when a Greek soldier by the name of Thesis who had just finished defeating his opponent. Intending to expel a victory cry, but having eaten one too many grape leaves earlier in the afternoon, the gallant fighter unleashed recorded history’s first chunky-style belch, pictured here on this lovely antique vase:








Unfazed, Thesis quickly swallowed back and continued fighting.

Hope that helps!
***
Dear Matt,

What was the world like before the internet?

Kimmie
Toronto, OH
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Kimmie,

I would love to be able to answer your question, but unfortunately my memory has been addled from hours and hours of checking my Myspace page for New Friend Requests.
From what I read on Wikipedia, though, the world was supposed to have been a very nice place.

Hope that helps!
***
Dear Matt,

What do you do when you and your exboyfriend share a phone?

Signed,
Dumped in Detroit.
***
Dear Dumped,

Get a new phone. Hope that helps!

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This entry was posted by Matt, on Saturday, April 01, 2006. You can leave your response.