Friday, April 29, 2005

Video Random

Hi everyone. Some of you may know that I moved to NEW YORK CITY recently--specifically,a section of Brooklyn called Greenpoint. It is a pretty nice area. One of the many special things about Greenpoint is its very heavy POLISH population. Anyway, the day I moved in was very exciting, and was made all the more exciting when I realized that there was a video store on my very block! Wow I couldn't believe it. Life seemed pretty sweet.

So a few days later, after an afternoon of fruitless searching for jobs as I often do, I decided to drag myself out of my cozy second floor abode and around the corner to pick out a movie at my local video store. When I got to the door I had to maneuver my way around the scowling 20-year-old polish girl who was sitting on a stoop smoking a cigarette. Upon entering, I immediately noticed that the small but spacious store was divided into two halves: movies in Polish on the left and movies in English on the right. Okay, I can dig it. I go to the English section. "Hmm, maybe I'm in the mood for a Godfather movie," I think to myself. I start looking. Miss Congeniality, The Incredibles, Bridget Jones Diary... All right, okay, not the kind of movies I'm looking for, so where are the classics? The independents? The ... GOOD movies? After walking back and forth along the same wall 4 times, I come to two horrifying realizations:

1. There ARE no good movies in this store.
2. There is no discernable order to any of the movies. EVERYTHING IS RANDOM.

I go to the counter.
"Excuse me," I say to another, even more contemptuous looking Polish female video clerk.
"Yis?"
"Those movies, they're not... they're not in any order."
"Yis."

A pause.

And that was that. I walk out of the video store, my hopes dashed. I talk to my roommate and good friend Laura later on.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THAT VIDEO STORE?!" I ask.
"What do you mean?"
"All the movies are shitty, and nothing's in order."
"Yeah... well, it is called Video Random."

She was right. I barely noticed the name printed on the awning, but now I remembered. The video store was called "Video Random." So they couldn't directly be accused of laziness. By putting things anywhere they felt like it, they were upholding the store's title gimmic, just as I did at Captain Video by allowing myself to be referred to as a "video ranger" instead of "cashier."

Laura walked out to go watch an episode of "Buffy," and I sat meditating on the ingeniously lazy concept of Video Random.
"Someday," I thought, "I'm going open up a restaurant called 'Restaurant with Dirty Bathroom'" so neither me or any of my employees have to concern ourselves with those pesky cleaning responsibilities. It's gonna be a hit. Just wait.