AVIAN the movie
A movie preview written for Saturday Night Rewritten on November 7th.
AVIAN
By Matt Koff
(Stage is dark. Inspiring trailer music plays.)
ANNCR: From Academy Award-winning director Ron Howard comes the
inspiring true story of a bird flu that touched millions…Starring
Naomi Watts as "Mama Cluckcluck," and Bill Pullman as "Pops," and
re-introducing Haley Joel Osmond as Avian, the little bird flu who
doesn't know the meaning of the word "quit."
(LIGHTS UP)
PAPA: Son, everyone knows there'll never been a "bird flu outbreak"
in South Korea! That's crazy talk!
AVIAN: I'LL SHOW YOU, PAPA! I'M GONNA BE THE BIGGEST, MEANEST SOUTH
KOREAN BIRD FLU THERE EVER WAS!
MAMA: NO, AVIAN, COME BACK! B-GAWK!
(LIGHTS DOWN)
ANNCR: … Al Pacino as the West Nile Virus…
(LIGHTS UP)
PACINO: YOU THINK YOU'RE HOT STUFF CUZ YOU KILLED A COUPLE OF
ROOSTERS BUZZ BUZZ? STICK WITH ME AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN THIS
TOWN UPSIDE DOWN. HOO-HA!
(LIGHTS DOWN)
ANNCR: Morgan Freeman as "Anonymous Family Doctor"
(LIGHTS UP)
Morgan Freeman: (taking off glasses as he stares into the distance)
Well… I'll… be… damned.
(LIGHTS DOWN)
(LIGHTS UP on Avian on the phone, talking to Papa)
ANNCR: Papa! I just got to China yesterday and I already killed eighty people!
PAPA: (on the phone) YOU'RE DOING IT, AVIAN, YOU'RE REALLY DOING IT!
MAMA: SON, MAKE SURE YOU WEAR A JACKET, B-GAWK.
ANNCR: And Robert Duvall as Quarantined Chicken # 73…
(DUVALL crawls onto stage)
DUVALL: Boy, you may have killed me and my chicken family, but dammit if you ain't got the most spunk I've ever seen in an East-Asian multinucleaic second-strand infection.
(DUVALL dies, Morgan Freeman comes out again)
Morgan Freeman: Damn.
(LIGHTS DOWN, music swells, SUPERIMPOSED TITLES)
Anncr VO: Sometimes...
All it takes…
Is a Single Germ…
To Start a Plague…
Wait…
Come to think of it…
It always takes a single germ…
To do that.
My bad.
Avian.
Coming Soon…
RATED R!!!!!
(END)
AVIAN
By Matt Koff
(Stage is dark. Inspiring trailer music plays.)
ANNCR: From Academy Award-winning director Ron Howard comes the
inspiring true story of a bird flu that touched millions…Starring
Naomi Watts as "Mama Cluckcluck," and Bill Pullman as "Pops," and
re-introducing Haley Joel Osmond as Avian, the little bird flu who
doesn't know the meaning of the word "quit."
(LIGHTS UP)
PAPA: Son, everyone knows there'll never been a "bird flu outbreak"
in South Korea! That's crazy talk!
AVIAN: I'LL SHOW YOU, PAPA! I'M GONNA BE THE BIGGEST, MEANEST SOUTH
KOREAN BIRD FLU THERE EVER WAS!
MAMA: NO, AVIAN, COME BACK! B-GAWK!
(LIGHTS DOWN)
ANNCR: … Al Pacino as the West Nile Virus…
(LIGHTS UP)
PACINO: YOU THINK YOU'RE HOT STUFF CUZ YOU KILLED A COUPLE OF
ROOSTERS BUZZ BUZZ? STICK WITH ME AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN THIS
TOWN UPSIDE DOWN. HOO-HA!
(LIGHTS DOWN)
ANNCR: Morgan Freeman as "Anonymous Family Doctor"
(LIGHTS UP)
Morgan Freeman: (taking off glasses as he stares into the distance)
Well… I'll… be… damned.
(LIGHTS DOWN)
(LIGHTS UP on Avian on the phone, talking to Papa)
ANNCR: Papa! I just got to China yesterday and I already killed eighty people!
PAPA: (on the phone) YOU'RE DOING IT, AVIAN, YOU'RE REALLY DOING IT!
MAMA: SON, MAKE SURE YOU WEAR A JACKET, B-GAWK.
ANNCR: And Robert Duvall as Quarantined Chicken # 73…
(DUVALL crawls onto stage)
DUVALL: Boy, you may have killed me and my chicken family, but dammit if you ain't got the most spunk I've ever seen in an East-Asian multinucleaic second-strand infection.
(DUVALL dies, Morgan Freeman comes out again)
Morgan Freeman: Damn.
(LIGHTS DOWN, music swells, SUPERIMPOSED TITLES)
Anncr VO: Sometimes...
All it takes…
Is a Single Germ…
To Start a Plague…
Wait…
Come to think of it…
It always takes a single germ…
To do that.
My bad.
Avian.
Coming Soon…
RATED R!!!!!
(END)
This entry was posted by Matt, on
Tuesday, November 15, 2005.
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