The 3 members sitting in an elegant private clubhouse.  Dave’s seat is in the middle.  The members all speak in deep, JEJ-style baritone.

                         DAVE
               Let the 52nd annual meeting of the James
               Earl Jones fan club come to order.

                         JAMES
               First order of business.  Have there been
               any James Earl Jones sightings as of late?

                         TIM
               I thought I saw him on the street the other day,                              but it was a potato.

                         JAMES
               Terrible news.

                         DAVE
               Let’s move on.  Movie reviews.  What’s good?

                         JAMES
               I saw Resident Evil 2 : Apocalypse.  

                         DAVE
               Your thoughts.

                         JAMES
               Flimsy plot, wishy-washy acting,
               NOT ENOUGH JAMES EARL JONES.

                         DAVE
               Tragic.

                         TIM
                    (gravely)
               I was planning on seeing that but now I’m
               not so sure.

                         JAMES
               Hey…since talking like this, has anyone else
               been…

                         DAVE
               YES WE ARE ALL PAINFULLY CONSTIPATED

                         JAMES
               Excellent.

The doorbell rings—also in JEJ baritone.

                         DAVE
               Enter.

                         MATT
                    (normal/higher voice)
               Hey guys…Sorry I’m late.

                         JAMES
               James Earl Jones does not smile on tardiness.

                         TIM
               WHO IS THIS PERSON?

                         DAVE
               GENTLEMEN, REGAIN COMPOSURE.

The club regains composure.
                         DAVE (cont’d)
               This fellow wishes to join the ranks of the
               J.E.J. elite.

                         JAMES
               OOOH, CANDY CANES.

                         DAVE
                    (cont’d)
               Let us prepare for the interview.

                         MATT
               Great great, I’m really excited!

                         TIM
               Who is your favorite actor?

                         MATT
Oh…that’s a toughie.  Hmm, there’s so much good talent out there!

                         JAMES
               THERE IS ONLY ONE.  THE CORRECT
               ANSWER IS JAMES EARL JONES.

                         MATT
               Oh… yeah!  Well, that goes without saying!

                         DAVE
               YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO SAY IT.

                         JAMES
               ALWAYS! ALWAYS! ALWAYS!

                         TIM
LET US DELIBERATE AMONG OURSELVES.  PLEASE TURN AROUND

Matt turns around.

                         DAVE     
               I THINK WE SHOULD LET HIM IN.

                         JAMES
               I THINK WE SHOULD NOT LET HIM IN.

                         TIM
               THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY TO SOLVE THIS.

                    DAVE,TIM,JAMES
               Rock, paper, JAMES EARL JONES.

                         DAVE
               I WIN, JAMES BEATS ROCK.

                         JAMES
               It is always a privilege to lose to James Earl Jones.

                         DAVE
               Congratulations Matthew.  Today is the first
               day of your new life.   A better life.  A James
               Earl Jones-kinda life.

                         MATT
               WOW!  ALL I CAN SAY IS…WOW!

                         DAVE
               There is just one more thing.

The members surround Matt who is slightly nervous.

                         MATT
               Auuuughhh (voice goes from high to low)
               AuugghHHEEEEEY!  WELCOME TO VERIZON!

                         DAVE
               YOU’RE ONE OF US NOW.

                         TIM
               NOW, LET US DO THE JAMES EARL JONES.

Everyone dances to the song “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge.  Blackout.

This entry was posted by Matt, on Monday, August 29, 2005. You can leave your response.